The Big Picture

Since our return from our Oregon coast vacation I have had a theme rolling around in my head. One morning while we were walking along the beach I was walking with my eyes toward the ground. I was enjoying the sights of the sand, the weird looking seaweed that had washed up, the awesome smooth black rocks that were lining the shore. I was looking for treasures that I don't ordinarily see in my home life. I stopped and took the time to look out on the horizon and something that I had read many years ago when I started homeschooling our children popped into my mind. The author of the article stated that children were losing their ability to focus at a distance since our lives don't include much gazing into the distance anymore. It struck me that I was missing the "Big Picture" of the whole ocean by only staring at the small area beneath my feet.
                                                                              

That thought became a theme that has been rolling around in my brain since. I have missed out on the "Big Picture" in my spiritual life at many times. I have become caught up in the "doing" of so many things. Bible studies, helping at church, community service, attending church. While these are all very great things there are times when they have become the focus rather than looking at the "Big Picture" of what God really wants me to be doing. My relationship with Him is the most important thing. Not the immediate details that sometimes overshadow the total picture of what my relationship with God looks like. 
                                                                             

It is so easy on a weight loss journey to get caught up in the immediate things that are right beside me. I completely plan my food the night before. I have it planned right down to the snack what I will eat.
 I plan out my weekly exercise around my piano teaching schedule, our family activities, my time commitments and the schedule of the household. I have planned which days I will do cardio and which days I will do strength training.  I know that for me to be successful with the changes that I am making in regards to my health and choices I need to have a plan so I don't act on impulse. These are details that I must focus on to stay honest with the changes that I am making.

This was the first week since January that I have truly had more than a momentary struggle. It has been a week full of emotional challenges that in the past would have driven me to try to nurture myself with food. My weight loss has naturally slowed a bit but when I honestly sat down and looked at my food tracker I could see that this week I was pushing my boundaries on a daily basis. It was time to look past the important details right at my feet and look at the "Big Picture" and into the horizon. It was time to admit to a friend that I was struggling. It was time to admit to myself that I was feeling wounded. It was time to work through the emotions that in the past would have had my stuffing food into my face to "nurture" myself.
                                                                                 

 The things that are right at my feet, tracking, planning, exercise, are all important. Even more important is learning healthy life skills to deal with my emotions and how I handle stress. After honestly looking what I was doing and how I was pushing boundaries and headed back towards former habits I made a turn around. I looked at the Big Picture and made the decision to make my next choice a healthy one.

Because I am Loved

As people notice my shrinking body due to my weight loss I am asked "how did you do it?" I know that my friends and acquaintances are looking for a "weight loss method" or a "how to" lose weight. I have successfully lost weight in the past, only to gain half of it back. This time feels different and this time is different. My answer is to first mention that I do workout regularly and I do followed the Weight Watchers Simply Filling nutrition plan but that the real key is that I have finally learned to love myself. I also point out that God is finally getting it through my thick head how much He loves me and that I have worth to Him.                                                      

That said, I am still struggling with learning to accept God's love.

Just yesterday I wrote a prayer pouring out my heart to God that I long to fully experience His love in my life. I asked Him to heal my wounded heart, turn my fears into courage and infuse my heart and mind with his love. To help me to truly believe that He loves me unconditionally. I asked God to write a new label on my heart - not just "courageous" as I turn fear into courage but also to write "Beloved Daughter who is loved" on my heart. I asked Him to help me to stop coloring my future based on my past.

                                                                       

Tonight as I sat curled up with my "Limitless Life" book by Derwin Gray I began reading "From Addict to Free". I am humbled and reminded yet again of God's great grace to me that after spending the past 30+ years with a food addiction that I have experienced freedom and peace. How true the words that "substitute gods (feeding myself) promise freedom but only succeed in enslaving us". For years I have labeled myself with titles of shame, disgust, guilt and self loathing. The first key that Derwin lists to change our label from "Addict to Free" is "Know Who I am".

I am loved.

                                                                 

After writing out my prayer yesterday God showered me with His love. The thing I prayed for was addressed in what I read today.
God loves me so lavishly that he orchestrated the timing of my prayer with the reading of "Limitless Life". That speaks love to me. That shouts it from the rooftops!

I. Am. Loved.

As if that isn't enough, God made sure that I wouldn't doubt it was HIS voice speaking to me. I began reading my "Made to Crave" devotion by Lysa Terkeurst and Day 28 is titled "Because I am Loved".
When I got done sitting in stunned disbelief I could only marvel that the God of the universe wove the threads of my day, my month, my Bible study book, prayer thoughts and devotion to all point to the message that I am loved. The noise lies of the enemy chips away at the security of knowing I am loved but the God who loves me wanted to remind me that

"Even before he made the world, God loved us (me) and chose us (me) in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes". Ephesians 1:4

I am free and live with a heart of peace Because I am Loved.

Beach Blog

This week's blog comes to you from the Oregon Coast. While I wait in the car my guys are out in the torrential downpour of rain playing disc golf. My musings today are on maintaining a healthy lifestyle when you are completely out of your home environment.

                                                                           

I have been planning my food and what I'd do on vacation for the past month yet yesterday while on the road my carefully crafted plan fell apart. My "planned indulgence" turned into an unplanned run in with 3 cookies. My carefully planned "Simply Filling" dinner didn't happen when we stopped to eat out because it was getting late. My goal to lose weight while on vacation might not happen unless I make the whole family crazy and do nothing but think of my next bite. Thinking of food non stop is bad for me.

What I can do on vacation. Put into practice the MTC (Made to Crave) tools that I've learned. Truths that stand out and help me to focus.

"Make my next choice a good one". This morning I started with an apple, oatmeal with flax seed and a banana. My morning attitude and choices set the tone for the day.
                                                                           

 Drink more water. I have my water bottle with me. No excuses.

Move more! Hubby & I had a lovely 3 mile walk on the beach this morning. Okay, the company was lovely. The whipping wind and rain weren't awesome but we had fun regardless!

                                                          

Focus more on family than on food.

                                                                         

Don't get into "vacation mode" and throw months of hard work out the window.

Vacation is a time to renew and refresh myself. Putting myself back into food bondage isn't refreshing whatsoever. Each choice I make. Each food temptation I am victorious over. Each step of obedience to God in this area of my life is my renewing and refreshing.

 I will fully satisfy the needs of those who are weary and fully refresh the souls of those who are faint.
Jeremiah 31:25 NET Bible