Emotional Triggers Rerouted

My head pounds and my anxiety builds as the phone rings and I wait for an answer. I don't want to have to confront the situation. A million scenarios of how to handle this are already crossing my mind. It's even worse that it's one of my kids. He didn't deserve to have this adult get in his face. I'm frustrated with people and wishing that they could act more Christlike. When I get up the next morning the situation is still looming as the largest thing in my mind. My attention is focused on the "what if's" and how to handle it. When I realize that I'm falling into the old patterns of obsessing over a situation and mindless eating rather than deal with it I fall to God.

"God, my heart is sad and overwhelmed. I want to turn to you for comfort instead of food, friends, or shopping. I need you. I need to be filled with the hope and assurance of you. I want to trust your good plan for our lives. Help me to release our family into your hands. Help me to trust your good plan for our lives. Help me to feel your peace and assurance that you have my child in your hand. Help him to see that it's not you letting him down but people. Protect him. Cover him with your love and fill him up with you. Help me to trust and turn to you for comfort instead of food".

                                                                     

                                                                
As I desperately seek God in the situation flashes of past hurts replay in my memory. Hurtful words hurled at me when I was 16. While in my 20's feeling alone in a crowd at my church but hiding behind a mask that pretended otherwise. Wondering why middle age women are so mean to each other?

All of those situations led to the familiar stomach churning obsessing over the situation, replaying it in my mind endless times. Feeling unloved. Feeling hurt. Feeling offended or overwhelmed. Wondering why people act the way that they do. Turning my marshmallow heart to food and mindless eating rather than the the lover of my soul.

                                                                       
In the beauty of a life yielded to God I share a prayer request with my Online Bible Study small group. "Please pray that I don't stress eat. Pray for protection for my child from words that wound" Prayers begin to cover me. My brain tells me "you should eat" but my body has no cravings for anything sweet and instead I don't want to eat. The situation is still unresolved. My mind is still drawn to it more frequently than I would like but my heart is turning to God each and every time. Amazing, thought provoking words are said to me "It's the heart that matters most. Pray that God captures them!". Although they are directed at the situation Jesus turns those words into a mother's prayer. For myself. "God, capture my heart so thoroughly that nothing matters more than you". For my child "Capture his heart and  help him find the direction you want him to take. Speak truth into his life".

The emotional trigger has been rerouted to lay these feelings at the feet of Jesus and rest there.

God, continue to capture my heart so thoroughly that I trust you with all aspect of my life. Capture my heart so thoroughly that nothing matters more than you".